Tips for parents and children to overcome bullying

Surveys indicate that as many as half of all children are bullied at some time during their

school years, and at least 10% are bullied on a regular basis.

Bullying behavior can be physical or verbal. Boys tend to use physical intimidation or threats, while bullying by girls is more often verbal. Recently, bullying has even been reported in online chat rooms and through e-mail. Inappropriate postings have also been placed on social networking websites such as Facebook, MySpace, etc. Many times, such postings assist in the prosecution of the poster.

Children who are bullied experience real suffering, which can interfere with their social and emotional development, as well as their school performance. Some victims of bullying have even attempted suicide rather than continue to endure such harassment and punishment.

Bullies thrive on controlling or dominating others. They have often been the victims of physical abuse or bullying themselves. Bullies may also be depressed, angry or upset about events at school or at home. Children targeted by bullies also tend to fit a particular profile – they are often passive, easily intimidated or have few friends. Victims may also be smaller or younger and have a harder time defending themselves.

If you suspect your child is bullying others, it’s important to seek help as soon as possible. Without intervention, bullying can lead to serious academic, social, emotional and legal difficulties. Talk to your child’s pediatrician, teacher, principal, school counselor, or family physician. If the bullying continues, a comprehensive evaluation by a mental health professional should be arranged. The evaluation can help you and your child understand what is causing the bullying, and help you develop a plan to stop the destructive behavior.

If you suspect your child may be the victim of bullying ask him or her to tell you what’s going on. You can help by providing lots of opportunities to talk with you in an open and honest way.

It’s also important to respond in a positive and accepting manner. Let your child know it’s not his or her fault, and that telling you was the right thing to do. Other specific suggestions include:

- Ask your child what he or she thinks should be done. What’s already been tried? What worked and what didn’t?

- Seek help from your child’s school resource officer, a teacher or the school guidance counselor. Most bullying occurs on playgrounds, in lunchrooms, and bathrooms, on school buses or in unsupervised halls. Ask about programs other schools and communities have used to help combat bullying, such as peer mediation, conflict resolution, and anger management training, and increased adult supervision.

- Don’t encourage your child to fight back. Instead, suggest that he or she try walking away to avoid the bully or to seek help from a teacher, coach, or other adult.

- Help your child prepare by practicing what to say to the bully the next time.

- Help your child practice being assertive. The simple act of insisting that the bully stop the abuse may have a surprising effect. Explain that the bully’s true goal is to get a response.

- Encourage your child to be with friends when traveling back and forth from school, during shopping trips, or on other outings. Bullies are less likely to pick on a child in a group.

In addition to the above, your local police should also be notified if intervention from other sources has failed to alleviate the problem. To report a bullying incident, you should contact the police department at 203-797-4611 . For any other questions or comments, you may contact the community affairs office at 203-797-4644.