Long before a baby is held in someone’s arms, that child is often held in dreams.

For many couples, expecting a baby brings excitement, planning, and imagining life together as a family. It is a time when an expectant mother may feel more vulnerable and should feel loved and safe. But what happens when the person she hopes to share those dreams with is also the person she fears?

Pregnancy brings physical and emotional changes, new financial responsibilities, and a greater need for care. An abusive partner may use these circumstances to increase control, leaving an expectant mother feeling more vulnerable or dependent. She may worry about raising a child alone, losing financial support, or what might happen if she asks for help.

Abuse does not always leave bruises. It can involve insults, humiliation, threats, isolation from family and friends, sexual pressure, or control over money and transportation. A partner may prevent her from attending prenatal appointments or insist on answering questions for her during medical visits.

Physical violence can begin or increase during pregnancy. Being hit, pushed, kicked, or strangled can cause serious injuries and pregnancy complications, putting both the mother and her baby’s lives in danger. Abuse can also continue after childbirth, when recovery and exhaustion while caring for a newborn may make seeking help more difficult.

Neither pregnancy nor the stress of becoming a parent excuses abuse. The responsibility belongs to the person causing harm. It is never the victim’s fault. In Connecticut, a CCADV report found that approximately 1 in 20 deaths during pregnancy or within one year afterward was a homicide committed by an intimate partner.

Your safety is part of your prenatal care

Talking about abuse can be difficult, but you don’t need to go through this alone. You and your baby deserve care and safety. When it is safe to do so, talk to your doctor or nurse about your safety concerns. They can assess your health, discuss available support, and help connect you with a domestic violence advocate.

Seek prompt medical care after physical violence, even if there are no visible injuries. Strangulation also requires urgent medical attention, even without visible marks.

Small steps can help you plan for safety

You do not have to figure everything out alone. An advocate can help you create a safety plan that fits your circumstances, whether you are staying at home, preparing to leave, or have already left.

Identify someone you trust and agree on a code word for emergencies. Consider where you could go and how you would get there. Keep medications, important documents, keys, and emergency contacts accessible, as long as doing so will not increase your risk. Use a safer device to seek help if your partner monitors your phone.

Include childbirth and recovery in your plan. Discuss concerns about visitors and privacy with your healthcare team. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.

The Center for Empowerment and Education (CEE) offers free, confidential services for people experiencing domestic or sexual violence, including counseling, advocacy, safety planning, and emergency shelter. Call our 24/7 Domestic Violence Hotline at 203-731-5206 or Sexual Assault Hotline at 203-731-5204. For information, call 203-731-5200 or visit thecenterct.org. You are not alone. Your safety matters. Help is available.