Because research into behavior has helped us to understand how to prevent our children from developing dangerous and antisocial behaviors, we can now teach parents tactics that will help them train their children effectively. I don’t want to be critical, but there really is a right and a wrong way to discipline children. If you want your children to behave, you may have to change how you act and react.

I am taking my information from an article by Barbara J. Howard, MD, in the December 2025 issue of Pediatric News. She is an assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine in Baltimore. She is concerned about how children develop conduct disorders like aggression toward people or animals, destruction of property, deceitfulness, theft, or serious violations of rules. She also mentions “callous-unemotional” children who show a lack of remorse or guilt for their behavior, a callous lack of empathy, lack of concern about performance, and lack of concern about these behaviors. About one quarter of these children also have attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).

What leads to these problems? There may be a genetic component, but Dr. Howard mentions abuse, neglect, poverty, and especially parenting that has little warmth, is harsh and inconsistent, involves low supervision, or includes forceful discipline. These children are not responsive to punishment. We know that even as toddlers, children crave attention. If we don’t actively praise them for their appropriate behavior (all the time!), they will turn to destructive behaviors to get our attention.

Parental interventions can significantly reduce unacceptable behaviors and bad outcomes. Positive parenting requires paying attention to your children, encouraging and rewarding desired behaviors. Ignoring inappropriate behavior as much as possible is so difficult, but learning the difference between discipline, where we are encouraging and modeling good behavior, and punishment – which has little benefit – is essential. As Dr. Howard says, “Punishment can increase misbehavior…. Instead, use of strong and frequent rewards may align with these children’s heightened self-interest to produce better social behaviors.”

Parenting is a lifelong learning process, and your pediatrician can guide you if you have concerns. Sometimes consultation with a behavior specialist is indicated, and medication may also be considered. When pediatricians recognize aggression, fearlessness, bullying, defiance, and rule-breaking, they want to help. Parents must accept that defending their children when the children act out can only lead to worse and more violent behaviors. When parental behaviors need correcting, parents must also be willing to change.

Robert B. Golenbock, MD, is currently retired. He has cared for children in the Danbury area for 43 years, including at the Center for Pediatric Medicine. The CPM is located at 107 Newtown Rd., #1D, Danbury, CT 06810. For more information, call (203) 790-0822 or visit https://centerforpediatricmedct.com.